Stronghold

When am I going to post a picture of our little abode and what we are doing next? I wonder...perhaps another day. Today I have something pretty pressing on my mind.

In the last couple years, and I really mean somewhere between 2-4 years, I have not been a good friend performer. I've had some complaints and apparently would not have been given the 4% obligatory raise. I've also had some praises...but it's the complaints that bother me.

I'm an intense, ESFJ with strengths of focus, responsibility, interpersonal communication, belief...all packed in to a flighty, tattered (at times) homeschool mom. (Don't feel sorry for me, just know the struggle is real folks, the struggle is real---would you want to be an "E,S"?)
This is why FB didn't really work well for me..well, one of the many reasons.
In my recent years of coming to know God in a way that's calm and quiet and peaceful and gentle, I'm changing. And I've noticed that God is taking care of strongholds that used to own me. Yesterday Jess reminded me of the idea that prayer isn't much talking as listening (she's really good at that). I've done a LOT of talking...and I think in this have really knocked some friends out of our ring.(grr...)

A stronghold, as defined by Beth Moore, is any argument or pretension that sets itself up again the knowledge of God...it's anything that

exalts itself
in our minds
pretending to be bigger
or more powerful
than our God.

it steals our focus
causes us to feel overpowered.
Controlled.
Mastered.

She goes on to say that strongholds can be addictions, unforgiveness, despair over loss.

It consumes a lot of our mental energy
our emotional energy
IT STRANGLES our abundant life. STRANGLES...

For me, this was my stuff. For me, this was a couple relationships that I was LIVING FOR. If these couple people said something, I listened to them more than to God. If these people asked for something, I figured out a way to make it happen. If these people fussed, I tried to make things right. If these people said I was something, I WAS THAT thing. I realized that these people were sort of my goal. Ouch.

I realized too that I am to be accountable for being too harsh, or too proud or too this or too that, I am also ALLOWED to be human. I don't need to always have perfect delivery. I am allowed to be awkward and not always have it.

But I am also required to be still. I am also required to be known. I am also required to not put others above a God who can figure all things out for good. He has the power to break the Lisa chains of "you should have said" "you didn't say" "you might have just shut up"s, "just say sorry again"s in my life.

And as I sit still before Him, he can work these things out.

It's very uncomfortable here on the floor, sitting criss cross applesauce (or indian style as I used to be allowed to say), hands open, mouth shut up for a bit. And I pray...