Tidings of Comfort and Joy! (another long ramble)

sometimes the amount of information spinning in my brain is overwhelming. how many people am i? in my dream world, i'm a different lady with different aspirations and ideas. in my wake state, i ponder so many things that i wish it could stop. i analyze everything, over and over and over again. and then i do it again, just to make sure. i can talk a lot and i can be very quiet for a long time. when i'm being quiet is when i'm deciding who i'm going to be and what i'm going to decide on making matter.
(yes, i'm going to try not to use the caps/shift button today as my thumbs ache..more on that later)...
i've had a vomiting child who has missed the toilet for the last 2 days. he's old enough not to miss but is hardly ever, ever sick (maybe the last time was a year and a half ago?) and even if he's under the weather, he acts almost normal. my life has been about cooking and cleaning--so i clean up after him, grateful that i can and grateful that he is hardly ever, ever sick. i couldn't really even leave the house as i wasn't sure what might happen. i was brought back to when i was very sick with my pregnancies...where normal was in my bed or in the bathroom. people took care of me, life dripped by at half a droplet an hour. i was not contributing to any forward movement, not even my bowels. there was no spunk or extroverted anything. i'm grateful for this morning--it is cool and i can clean and scrub, even if my thumb pain eventually reminds me to slow down. oh, my thumbs...yes, i told you i'd talk a bit about them. i haven't gone to the doc as i've been using our extra funds on fake teeth and bumpy mole removal costs. i just cannot do much manual scrubbing...dishes, vacuuming, baseboard dusting. when i do, the next day only my other 4 fingers work, but my thumbs are in excruciating pain.i'll keep you updated on that as i get up the desire to spend money on copays versus cortados.
today i'm reminded of the power of prayer. i've had some emotional bumps this past month...things have not gone the way i wanted them to. but not in a bad way, just in an unexpected way. i thought we would have a cute christmas card to deliver to ya'll with a photo of the light streaming in through the trees of us at our new property. nope. i thought i'd have moved out of this little apartment and been in a trailer or in another state or city or region with some plans being analyzed on house building. nope. i thought i would have the same friends but some new ones and some very old ones i haven't talked with in a while blessed me. score. i had no idea that God was getting ready to bless me and bring comfort and joy through my persistent-God-fearing husband. score. (on a sex side note, ya know what they say about having to play the quiet game and what it might produce...)score. i had no idea what cutting out a LOT would create for our family. relationship space.
Do I want to live in an apartment where the grumpy neighbor comes out and stares at us, rolls his eyes and then grunts and re-enters his hole? Nope. But would I live here, in this state of space and process and prayer..yep.
i'm learning Latin. it is hard but enlightening. this week's "ah ha" moment came through this translation--wound. that's the meaning for the word "vulneris". bet you know where i'm going with this..yep, vulnerable. i've identified with this word...i have a little wound..i'm being vulnerable..with you, with God, with our situation not being exactly what i wanted it to be. but it's a good thing. i don't know how else to say it. it's comforting to know that i have something that's not going the way i want it to go because then when something happens differently (healing in many ways/areas), i'll know it's God--I'll be able to give him the credit for the working out all things for His good/our good. and this brings me great comfort and joy! bless you friend.

 chase ray, age 3